The Iranian Parliament Doesn't Get The List Right

Today the Iranian parliament, adopting the role usually played by a yapping small dog with delusions of adequacy, declared the US Army and CIA to be "terrorist organizations." The resolution is currently nonbinding, but that could change if it is stamped good-for-go by the Council of Experts, which is a collection of mullahs.

"Well," says the Geek, "I'll be gosh-darned! Ain't that a hoot."

Of course the US Army is a "terrorist organization" if you define the term terrorist so loosely that it has no meaning. So is the US Marine Corps.

Can't help wondering why the sagacious statesmen of the Iranian parliament left the leathernecks off the list. The USMC has always featured a top rank placement with previous adversaries of the US.

During WW II the Japanese claimed repeatedly that to become a Marine, a man had to kill at least one member of his family. Now, that's a real terrorist, wouldn't you agree?

During the Korean War, the Chinese termed the Marines, "gangsters" and recycled the old Japanese charge. Not much inventiveness there, but it was a nice effort.

A decade or so later Hanoi played echo chamber for the "family killer" and "gangster" charges while adding that Marines were fed drugs so they would be "zombies" behind the trigger.

Wow! That's enough to make the Geek shiver.

Come on, Iranians! Can't you at least add the Marine Corps to your little list?

Then, what about the Air Force?

Heck, they were the bunch who used the most depleted uranium munitions in the Balkans, which seems to have you lads so upset. On top of that, where is your knowledge of military history?

The American Air Force along with that of Great Britain engaged in a prolonged terror campaign against the civilian population centers of Germany. It was even admitted as being just that in formerly classified high-level documents.

Then, it was the Air Force (admittedly still part of the Army at that time, but straining to break free of ground pounder control) that delivered the atomic bombs on Japanese cities. It was the Strategic Air Command of the USAF that kept the bombers flying and the missiles standing by during the Cold War--and still does today.

Gosh, as Ross Perot used to say, "The devil is in the details."

Better add the Air Force to your list before you send it upstairs to the mullahs.

Perhaps you ought to add the US Navy to it as well. Aren't all those missile launching submarines enough to make you shudder--even a little? And, what about all those aircraft carriers? You might even want to consider the Navy's SEAL component. Can't you give those boys enough credit at black operations to feel even a little scared?

Now that a case has been made for expanding your "terrorist list," the Geek respectfully suggests that you take CIA off.

The Agency's primary function is the provision of intelligence. You might not know it, but nearly ninety percent of all raw information coming into the intelligence component of CIA is from open sources. Most of the rest comes from technical means. Only a teeny bit comes from classic spies. That's not too scary is it? Hardly causes you a shiver--unless you're hopelessly paranoid.

Oh! The Geek gets it! You guys are shaking in your collective sandals because of the Agency's clandestine/covert action capacity. That's what has you holding your breath with flat footed fear.

Chill out, fellows. Let ole doc Geek give you a historical tranquilizer. As the "family jewels" documents make clear, CIA has never been big on the concept of assassination. Not for moral reasons. No. For purely pragmatic considerations with "it doesn't work" on the top of the list.

(If the Agency's heart and soul had really been in the Kennedy brothers desire to kill Castro, the Cuban jefe would have been examining the root systems of daisys for the past forty-five years.)

Sure, Agency personnel and contract employees have trained paramilitary forces. Agency people have even (perish the thought) conducted such operations themselves over the years.

Now, wise and deep thinking parliamentarians of Tehran, get a grip on this!

As you ought to bloody well know courtesy of your own al-Quds Force and your Hezbollah proxies, to be a terrorist organization a simple standard must be met.

For your edification and deliction here is the standard. Through the use of violence or the threatened use of violence against civilian and governmental targets, the organization or its members must seek to alter the policies or structure of the target government and society.

For your further edification, the US military and intelligence community alike do not target civilians or even distinct personalities within a hostile regime. Indeed, the post-World War II history of US military operations both ground and air show an extreme effort to minimise civilian casualties.

So, upon consideration of the last two easily documentable historical realities, why don't you just withdraw your resolution? The Geek knows it must feel good to yap and yammer. Try to grow up just a bit and get a grip on reality.

This resolution of yours is as wrong as a soup sandwich.